Peace Be Still~ Arnold Friberg

Core Beliefs and Truth: How to find peace through examining your thoughts, actions, and beliefs.

When our beliefs align with the truth, we will find real and lasting peace.

Introduction

The little blue engine looked up at the hill. His light was weak, his whistle was shrill. He was tired and small, and the hill was tall, And his face blushed red as he softly said, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”

So he started up with a chug and a strain, And he puffed and pulled with might and main. And slowly he climbed, a foot at a time, And his engine coughed as he whispered soft, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”

With a squeak and a creak and a toot and a sigh, With an extra hope and an extra try, He would not stop — now he neared the top — And strong and proud he cried out loud, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!”

He was almost there, when — CRASH! SMASH! BASH! He slid down and mashed into engine hash On the rocks below… which goes to show If the track is tough and the hill is rough, THINKING you can just ain’t enough!

~ Shell Silverstein, Where the Sidewalk Ends

Imagine looking down on the little blue engine, laying on the rocks below in an engine hash. Alone, hurting, and perhaps wondering what happened. His hurt turns to anger. He might vow never to believe again.

Have you been down in a similar place? You took hold of an idea, a core belief, and went with it only to find that you fell short. The track was tougher and the hill rougher than you ever thought.

You weren’t enough. You didn’t measure up. Perhaps you think you are simply a bad person, a failure.

After your own crashing, smashing, and bashing, what do you do?

Speaking to the students at Brigham Young University, Elder Lawrence Colbridge of the 70 explained:

People say “You should be true to your beliefs.” While that is true, you cannot be better than what you know. Most of us act based on our beliefs, especially what we believe to be in our self-­interest. The problem is, we are sometimes wrong.

Someone may believe it is wrong to lie and yet lie on occasion, wrongly believing he will be better off if the truth is not known. He is just wrong.

Someone may believe and even know that Jesus is the Christ and still deny Him not once but three times because of the mistaken belief that he would be better off appeasing the crowd. Peter wasn’t evil. I am not even sure he was weak. He was just wrong.

When you act badly, you may think you are bad, when in truth you are usually mistaken. You are just wrong. The challenge is not so much closing the gap between our actions and our beliefs; rather, the challenge is closing the gap between our beliefs and the truth. That is the challenge.

The little engine in Shell Silverstein's poem thought he could. He believed! But he was wrong. He hadn’t learned enough about the laws of physics, or his own stamina, and this lack of knowledge facilitated putting his belief in something that was not true.

What do you really and truly believe? About yourself? About other people or the world in general?

I’ve recently been reflecting on how my deepest and most firmly held beliefs may not actually be as clear and easy to articulate as I had expected. I am writing to you who are feeling stuck — whether you are mid-smash or feeling like everyday crashers on those unforgiving rocks. Perhaps you wonder why you can’t make friends in your neighborhood despite putting yourself out there and many people commenting on how friendly everyone is. Or you’ve lost a family member, a job, or a sense of purpose in your life. Maybe you are just feeling spiritually exhausted like you can’t do any more things on the never-ending list of expectations bearing down on you.

My message is that when our beliefs align with the truth, we will find real and lasting peace. First, let’s talk about beliefs.

Beliefs

See if you can guess the person from the scriptures having their own engine hash moment.

Person 1: Wherefore hast thou afflicted thy servant? and wherefore have I not found favour in thy sight, that thou layest the burden of all this people upon me? I am not able to bear all this people alone, because it is too aheavy for me. And if thou deal thus with me, kill me, I pray thee, out of hand, if I have found favor in thy sight; and let me not see my wretchedness. (Numbers 11:11–15)

Person 2: For she had supposed that we had perished in the wilderness; and she also had complained against my father, telling him that he was a visionary man; saying: Behold thou hast led us forth from the land of our inheritance, and my sons are no more, and we perish in the wilderness. (1 Nephi 5:2)

First off is Moses. You and I aren’t the only ones who have our meltdown moments. How could the prophet of God who saw what he saw declare himself too weak to bear the burden He’d been given? He described himself as wretched, the same term Nephi used to describe himself many generations later. At this moment it seems possible that he believed that he was a failure, a weakling not fit to serve God any longer. We know that he pulled out of this dark perspective of himself however, as is clear when confronted by Satan he declared, “I am a son of God, in the similitude of his Only Begotten” (Moses 1:13).

The second person is Sariah. I think this moment of murmuring outside Jerusalem is more than mere griping at the freeway rest stop about forgotten packed lunches or the misplacing of the 5th sleeping bag. Sariah has had it, and perhaps she is thinking that her husband has lost his mind. But a few verses later we witness her beliefs transform as her sons come over the crest of the hill, safely returning with the brass plates. “Now I know of a surety that the Lord hath commanded my husband to flee into the wilderness; yea, and I also know of a surety that the Lord hath protected my sons, and delivered them out of the hands of Laban, and given them power whereby they could accomplish the thing which the Lord hath commanded them” (1 Nephi 5:8).

This incredible woman would go on to bear two children in the wilderness while eating raw meat and strive to keep her family together over decades of wandering and contention. Her core beliefs were rooted in the truth of the Lord’s call and their family mission.

Like Moses and Sariah, beliefs for you and I show up through the automatic thoughts and the resulting emotions and actions that ride those waves. One scholar explained this concept this way:

Core beliefs are your fundamental and enduring ways of perceiving and making sense of yourself, the world, and other people. Your core beliefs have been around since early in your life. These core beliefs are so typically ingrained and unconscious that you’re probably not aware of their impact on your emotions and behaviors. CBT for Dummies (Rob Willson, PhD)

Identifying core beliefs: Event > Thoughts > feelings & behaviors

Each moment of our day we interact with the world and each other. These events usually generate an internal string of thoughts followed by feelings and behaviors. However, all of these things are filtered through our core beliefs. Like a pair of magical lenses, we interpret ourselves, other people, and the world through these beliefs.

There is a rapid sequence of things that runs on a continuous loop to make this happen. Here is a way I remember this sequence that you may find useful:

• Two fingers — feelings and actions
• Arm — automatic thoughts
• Chest/heart — core beliefs

As we engage with the world, the only visible things in this chain are the actions we take and to some degree the feelings we are experiencing. Everything else is hidden for others, and often ourselves!

If we could all be like Spock from Star Trek or Queenie from Wizarding World and do mind melds at will, perhaps we would see this whole chain and we could make much more sense out of the apparent senseless behavior of so many around us!

For example, let’s imagine we mind-meld with someone I’ll name Greg who is on his way to a social gathering.

• Event: Greg walks into a room of acquaintances at a social gathering, and someone starts laughing.
• Behaviors: Greg doesn’t talk much, even after a few people ask how he is doing and try to engage him in conversation. He turns around to walk away and leave early.
• Feelings: embarrassed, ashamed, excluded, angry
• Thought: I’m dumb, is there something on my face? Is it my shirt? I should have worn a different shirt
• Possible core beliefs I’m not interesting, I’ll never belong. Other people don’t have to try hard to fit in, they have it easy. The world: is a cruel place where people make light of the pain of others, and you have to work hard to fit in and be accepted.

Dr. David Morgan at BYU illustrated this through the story of Jesus on the boat with his disciples on the Sea of Galilee. While Jesus was sleeping a storm came upon them and everyone prepared to die.

Their behavior, feelings, and automatic thoughts can be intuited from their cries to the Master: “Carest thou not that we perish?” To them, it was the end of it all. Never mind the Savior of the world was with them, they were all going to die! Their core beliefs were rooted in years of experience fishing, and the dangers of the water. These automatic thoughts, feelings, and actions really do make a lot of sense when you remember that fact.

But they had never been out in a storm with Jesus before, which changes everything.

To Jesus the storm was nothing. He knew the mission he needed to do was unfulfilled. Besides, no one could take his life anyway as he had the power to lay it down and take it back up. When he asked about where their faith had gone, perhaps he was inviting them to examine their core beliefs, and their belief in Him.

Dr. Morgan explained:

“Trying to control all the storms in our life is useless. But we can control how we think about what is going on. We can step back from a thought we’ve had and question it: Is that thought true? Is it accurate? If not what can I do about it?”

I’ve been thinking about this for over a year now. Recently I began seeing a therapist which has been helpful to talk through my beliefs and automatic thoughts. I recommend finding someone to talk through yours whether it is a family member, a friend, or a professional.

In the absence of another person, you can reflect on some steps individually when questioning your thoughts or realizing a distressing emotion that may not be coming from a place of truth.

1. Notice and write down a thought
2. Look for evidence that supports your thought
3. Look for evidence that does NOT support your thought
4. Look for possible errors in your thinking
5. Identify a more accurate and helpful way of seeing — what is really going on?
6. Notice and record any effects of the new thought on your feelings and behaviors

Steps taken from Cognitive Behavior Therapy Made Simple by Seth J. Gillihan

Let’s use these steps to apply to the mind meld example with Greg shared earlier.

• The thought: I’m dumb, is there something on my face? Is it my shirt? I should have worn a different shirt
• Evidence? They were laughing… but no one said anything about Greg’s face, or even seemed to look at his shirt, come to think of it.
• Evidence that does NOT support the thought? No one actually said anything rude to Greg, or about his appearance. Actually, 2 people talked to him and acted friendly. There is no evidence they were laughing at Greg or even felt any negative thing toward him.
• Possible errors in my thinking. This sounds like “mind-reading” or “catastrophizing” (see a full list of thinking errors here).
• A more accurate and helpful way of seeing — what is going on is they were likely laughing at something mentioned before Greg got there. They were having a good time and Greg came in and not much actually changed for them.
• New thoughts or feelings, Greg made a big stink out of nothing! They may have actually been trying to be friendly. Greg is likely not dumb, or unlovable, and even if they were laughing at him, those things wouldn’t be true anyway… Maybe Greg could try coming to something like this again.

In reflecting on the various automatic thoughts, feelings, and actions you are experiencing you can begin to trace a theme of the core beliefs that these things are coming from. Once you have identified your core beliefs you can begin to change them to align with the truth.

When our beliefs align with the truth, we will find real and lasting peace.

Truth

But how can we know the truth? We often talk about choosing the right as if we are nearly always making very reflective and conscious choices. But this isn’t often the case. Author Robert Greene explained it this way:

“We tend to think of our behavior as largely conscious and willed. To imagine that we are not always in control of what we do is a frightening thought, but in fact it is the reality. We are subject to forces from deep within us that drive our behavior and that operate below the level of our awareness.” ― Robert Greene, The Laws of Human Nature

Our Natural Man’s Barriers to Truth

In the last few decades, researchers have articulated over 175 forms of biases all human beings exhibit on a regular basis without realizing it. In a world where we are overwhelmed with information our minds have created shortcuts to help us make sense of it all. A few examples of what this means is that you and I are often:

• Drawn to details that confirm our own existing beliefs.
• Notice flaws in others more easily than flaws in ourselves.
• Think we know what others are thinking.
• Favor the immediate, relatable thing in front of us over the delayed and distant.

Since the 1960s researchers and cognitive-behavioral therapists have identified at least 10 cognitive distortions or thinking errors in which our biases affect our thought patterns, feelings, and core beliefs.

These are some very tall hills and a rough track that even a LARGE blue engine ought to think twice about. How can we know the truth and adjust our beliefs against the overwhelming facts of our natural man tendencies to distort reality?

What is the truth?

Nephi’s brother, the prophet Jacob testified: “For the Spirit speaketh the truth and lieth not. Wherefore, it speaketh of things as they really are, and of things as they really will be” (Jacob 4:13).

Moroni exhorted all people to remember that “By the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things” (Moroni 10:5).

“Speak your truth” is a common phrase these days. And in so far as that means, “share your opinion and perspective as to how things really are” I think it is fine. But it can be easy to fall into the false belief that everyone carries their own truth in the absence of a single unifying truth. The goal is to decrease and then eliminate “My truth” with “The truth” through the inspiration of the Holy Ghost.

In his talk to BYU students referenced earlier, Elder Lawrence suggests 4 methods we can use to do this.

Scientific method: Truth can be discovered by doing, which is faith. Experience plays a vital role in coming to know the truth.

Analytical method: The Lord told Oliver Cowdry, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right. Evidence and reason also play a role in preparing us to know the truth.

Academic method: The study of the written word. The Lord said, “And whoso treasureth up my word, shall not be deceived.”

Divine method: The divine method of learning incorporates the elements of the other methodologies but ultimately trumps everything else by tapping into the powers of heaven. Every good thing depends on getting and keeping the power of the Holy Ghost in your life. Everything depends on that.

If our core beliefs are a patch of soil, then our thoughts, feelings, and actions are the trees and fruit we plant and cultivate. When our beliefs align with the truth, we will find real and lasting peace. It is by the fruits of our core beliefs we can know of their truthfulness.

As we strive to always have the Spirit to be with us and come to really know and believe Jesus Christ who is the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6), we can cultivate the gardens of our souls in soil that is rich with truth. Only then can we be at peace as feelings and thoughts and actions arise from the truth — from things as they really are and really will be.

Invitation

In reflecting on the Engine hashes and valleys of life, author David Brooks said: “When you have one of those bad moments in life, you can either be broken, or you can be broken open.”

My hope is that like Moses and Sariah, you and I can turn to the Savior and one another to learn from our own engine hashes and be broken open to the realization and need for change. Through the joy of daily repentance and the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we can change our core beliefs.

I love how Elder Dale G. Renlund explained this concept when he said:

When faced with unfairness, we can push ourselves away from God or we can be drawn toward Him for help and support. . . Rather than becoming bitter, let Him help you become better … As we change, we will find that God indeed cares a lot more about who we are and about who we are becoming than about who we once were.

Jesus’ disciples and followers learned to ask questions like “Lord is it I?” and “What lack I yet?” in order to discover the truth and adjust their core belief system. And so can we. With King Benjamin, I invite you to “… watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, [and I would add your core beliefs] and observe the commandments of God, and continue in the faith … remember, and perish not.” (Mosiah 4:30).

I testify that when our beliefs align with the truth we will find peace.